Thursday, November 20, 2008

Simple Wisdom in the One Utah Comments

This comment on Glenden Brown's post at One Utah was so simple and direct, it struck me as strangely profound in contrast to the complicated debates currently erupting around Prop 8 and marriage equality.

I think it is time to admit, at least to yourself, that but for the inability to procreate, there is no difference between a gay couple and a heterosexual couple.
Truthful, that.


  1. No difference except that a homosexual couple is comprised of two people of the same gender and a heterosexual couple is comprised of two people of different genders.

    Unless you think there's no difference between men and women, other than their procreative organs, then I'd say that's a significant difference.

    And that difference matters especially when the couple raises a child, whether they create it themselves or adopt.

  2. You father's penis, and your mother's vagina played a large role in your upbringing?

    That's just fucked up JHP!

  3. Given the tenor of your response, I see no value in debating further. God bless you.

  4. That's what I'd say too, if I had made such an asinine and backwards comment on someone's blog and didn't want to have to explain it.

    Best of luck to you.

  5. JHP

    There are far more differences between individuals of the same gender than there are between men and women in general -- other than genitalia, of course.

    In our family, my husband has far more nurturing tendencies than I do. And nowdays it's not uncommon for men to get in touch with their nurturing sides as more of them become stay-at-home dads and take their kids to lessons and playdates while their wives take on roles that were reserved for men in the dark ages.

    I think a child being raised by gay parents has every chance of having their needs met as those raised by hetero parents. In both groups there are bound to be lousy parents, but in the gay group it's more likely that the decision to raise kids was a much more conscious one that was more likely to be thought out.

  6. SLC Mama:

    Thank you for your polite response to my comment.

    I definitely agree that some men are more nurturing than other men, maybe even more than some women, and that some women have strong attributes that are more commonly associated with men.

    It does seem, though, that generally women are much more nurturing than men. Most researched I've reviewed shows that children are best off in married, biological, two-parent families. Certainly, there are studies out there that show that gay couples are raising healthy, good children. The trick is to figure out which studies are done accurately, which can be a daunting task, at least for me.

    I don't doubt that some homosexuals can raise children well, but if heterosexual, married parents are better on average, then I think government should encourage that family structure.

  7. JHP,

    As it becomes more acceptable for men to appear nurturing and for women to follow career paths, we'll see even more dissolution of the traditional gender roles.

    You are right about studies and trying to interpret results, but in my humble opinion gay people who choose to be parents are at the very least equal, if not better parents because in the case of heterosexuals, they often become parents inadvertantly or because society expects that of them, and gay parents have to make the decision consciously, usually after they are financially and emotional stable, unlike some hetero parents who may end up being parents at very young ages.

    In my own life, I've seen nothing about my and my husband's particular gender makeup that have made us a superior parenting team. Kids basically need food to eat, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs, good quality attention, a few survival skills and training on how to be a good person in this world. And that can be supplied in either type of relationship.